Sunday, May 30, 2010

Why do you get all the love in the world

So there it is. I keep leading myself into the same situation over and over and over.
My dad says its cos im a fuck up and because im rotten on the inside. It sounds kinda harsh but I do suppose its kinda true. I am wasting away and i am fucking up, not too much, im no heroine addict or anything drastic, but in a mild sense, wasting away in the most boring way possible.Like a lit cigarette, burning down to the end. Wasting away for no good reason. Wasting away when its really not worth it . But could it really have been any other way with two young parants who knew nothing of how to raise kids
or start up families.
I blame it on them. Really.
Because why else would i be so sickeningly needy.
Why else would i be so patheticaly unstable, stupidly touchy.
Every little thing ever gets me. But all that should matter and does matter dosnt phase me at all.
It feels kinda stupid typing this down. I really wish i could just get rid of this feeling. Its like an itch. Or some creature that clings to me all day while i laugh and enjoy myself. It allways has to remind me of itself , like its waiting for everyone to go away, so it can be just the two of us. Im sick of it. I feel so weary,
how do i change? How do i get rid of this weakness, because every time im alone i lose my mind.

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