Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Last night I dreamt the rapture was coming

I woke in cold sweat, I've had dreams like this before but never so vivid,
waking up in an empty house terrified and shaking.
The past two weeks have been a ridiculous binge of intoxicants of all sorts,
no day was left to welcome back a sober state of being,
carried away,
intense detachment from reality and regular bursts of hilarity and euphoria.
Unnatural,manufactured joy in unspeakable amounts.
That much happiness comes at a heavy price,
drifting to sleep with the presence of a heavy depression, followed by continuous dreams of how everything ends with a deafening sonorous siren,
and a frightening ending where we'd all be punished.
frightening stuff,
the morning only half washed the fear away.

Friday, July 15, 2011

It's the glare from the reflection
making patterns in your eyes
It's the looking back in anger
With every second slipping by

Theres a tiny little window,
swarms of locusts fill the sky,
maybe I'll just disappear
if i cant
keep my head above the tide

Please anyone,
I dont think I can,
save myself,
Im drowning here please , anyone
I dont think I can, save myself

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

mirror mirror

cause we're all two-faced, personality double, character sponging whores.

Originality is a rare thing,
only occuring once a blue moon,
the things we think we come up with, more than likely we've seen before but don't remember , thus thinking of it and deciding it's our own idea...
we all seem to be copy-and-paste mirror images of each other,
If you think you arnt you're probably wrong
so yeahh...
Jenn and I

Friday, June 17, 2011

I dont know what love is

but if it looked like anything it'd probably be this

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I was lost in a Valley of pleasure

I was lost in the infinate sea
I was lost, measure for measure,

It was a life outside normal life, the festival was called 'Life'
and everyone there, with wild well wishing eyes that wished you to 'have a nice life'
In the midst of the love-buzz atmosphere hugs and handshakes feral dancing and embracing of all sorts
me and my girl climbed hand in hand up a green hill, at this stage we were peaking like dolphins on an acid buzz and it felt like my love for her and the world was consuming me, sounds bent but seriously no joke
So i turned to her and was all: 'Eva...this is one of the happiest moments of my life and we will remember this when we are we die, i willl never ever forget you or this weekend'
and i just remember her eyes widening and her entire face settling into the most euphoric and crazed smile.
Later looking around I said to my friends: 'who are all these people in the real world I wonder?In the distant life outside 'Life',
I thought to myself over and over again ~ these mad looking creatures, paint dirt and grins on their faces taking in the beauty of the surroundings through their dialated pupils (people really do look prettier with bigger pupils)
among these masses are
bank managers
shop keepers
waiters and waitresses s
solicitors ,judo intructors?,web designers,plumbers,chefs,well....drugdealers for sure,salesmen/women,fruit pickers,hairdressers
bin men
maybe even a few doctors and lawyers?? even an astronaut ? ;]

People that in another life~ the real life, have nothing in comon, here in this maaad forest-fantistic-intoxicating-hippy-land of "uppers downers and screamers" have themselves in comon,
We were all there,
and it didnt matter at the time how dismal the return to the real world was gonna be,
or how hard the approaching comedown would hit
everything seemed to fit into place
and everything was perfect

I was lost
and the cost
and the cost didnt matter to me
I was lost
and the cost, was to be outside society...

eva broke her fekin camera tho so not a single fucking proper picture UGHHHHH

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Hot child in the city

Jen and I running wild in the city,
searching for employment(but only the kind where no silly hats are required) mischief, excitement, a bathroom and 4 euro after 4pm subway
The picture drought is OVER

Friday, April 29, 2011

I love my motts

and by motts i mean my beautiful women girl companion friends
gender does count in friendship,
guy friends are great
but to what extent can two people of different genders truly identify and completely understand each other in a friendship?...Not fully...
i could be wrong...
with blokes theres allways something missing, or for me a fear of betrayal, a fear of being tricked?Or just simply the unignorable fact that men and women are opposite,I'm no feminist, but i dont think i trust any men...
my girls though
only love and security

Sunday, April 3, 2011

This is the house, COME ON IN

this is the house , built of sin.

This movie is fucking EXCELLENT.
Directed by Rob Zombie,
colourful as hell , it's impossible to be bored for a second of it
I was unsure about it at first but it definitely grew on me quiet a bit.

Sherri Moon you ride

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

then and now, memories and current head-fucks

So Love me now,
Hell is coming,
kiss my mouth,
Hell is here ...
He says help me out
Hell is coming,
Can you do it now?
Hell is here

I'm leaving this place,but there is nothing I'm planning to take,
Just you

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I don't hate him.
I hate myself for not hating him.
I hate this nightmareish turn of events.
I hate my self-pity.
I hate turing over the events again and again in my mind.
I hate the fact that I can't come to terms or comprehend what he did to me.
I hate the way he made me ugly.
I hate the way he's not here to comfort me.
I hate the way I cant comfort him.
I hate the idea of searching for someone else yet...
I cant stand the idea of being alone.
I hate the way I can't relate to anyone I know on a personal level and nobody I know can relate to me.
I hate wearing sunglasses at night.
I hate his smell lingering on my bedsheets even after I've changed them.
I hate my pride being so hurt.
I hate how I' don't know what to do next.
I hate myself for missing him.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I want to watch it come down.

Now doesn't it make you feel better?
The pigs have won tonight
Now we can all sleep soundly
And everything is alright

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wish you were here

Dont get me wrong, rolling up a spliff and turning on some Yann Tiersenn or Sex and The City or in tonights case-kids cartoons- its fucking great
finally starting to see this "time to yourself" hype...but....
sometimes its lovley to have someone there.
Just for a night.
Just for a week.
Just for a month...or several?
How long before you're properly addicted to someones company?
Because when you are , theres no turning back, it's crash and burn or nothing in the end.
So when's the turning point?
Who cares.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Work done

relief.....annnnd time for a DRINK ;]

Don't do it Jennifer

just think of how frustrated you were

your time is tick tick ticking away

Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,


so much work to be done...commencing is the hard part
its becoming hard for me to do..anything at all.
When its not alcohol and wacky bits and pieces its endless smokeups and lying around aimlessly listening to the radio with the ball and chain for hours apon lazy hours on end.

Of-course theres time yet for everything, time yet to stress, time to really work and push myself...but i havent done so in so long ive almost forgotten what it feels like.

Its a pathetic situation,
In limbo between....this era and that
confusion is the key word.
What now?
I lost a friend the other day...she didnt die, just moved to Australia , one of the oldest Ive had...
Zoe Macken moved away on Febuary 28th , 2011.
To somewhere i cant follow, she has somewhere to go now, somewhere to be.

I suppose i also have somewhere to, work but the gap in excitement and importance between her life and mine suddenly feels disturbingly wide.
Maybe its because i have no motivation, not really any ambition, nothing that leads me at all really.

Maybe Im getting no satisfaction these days because in order to be satisfied and happy there must first be strain and unhappieness ....after which comes relief?

without pain there couldnt be pleasure
no comfort without discomfort
no freedom without boundry?
yeah, that must be it...

I have to start working,

....after just one more episode of sex and the city....oh and download the new PJ harvey album

yeaaaahhhh ;]